Chapter 1.

In a small house, on the frozen tundra of Northern Russia.

A man and woman sit, watching television.

Eating caribou hotdogs.

A man on comes on the television, he says, "Today, scientists found that there is a code in DNA that makes people want to stick their fingers in light sockets. It was proven with a set of twins in Omsk. Both of the children love to stick their fingers in light sockets. Coincendently that is the only thing the children can do to get their parents to even look at them."

The woman stares. She gulps vodka.

A commercial comes on. It tells the man and woman to buy soap, because they are dirty.

The man says, "You are a dirty skanky bitch."

The woman says, "Skanky what bitch?"

"A dirty skanky bitch."

"You have problems. You don't even know what a cup is."

"I know what a cup is."

"What's a cup?"

They argue like this for hours.

Nothing gets resolved.

The man thinks a cup is: Something people drink out of, and also something that expresses the need for abortion to be outlawed.

The woman thinks a cup is: Something that people drink out of, but most important it shows that gays have the right to be married and that terrorists are in America, and currently trying to take over Stalingrad.

The man shruggs his head and states with conviction, "A cup shows that Tolstoy was an asshole."

They both agree and watch a commercial about how they should buy this pill that will clean their colons of undigested fecal matter.