chapter 21.

Lizaveta gets to Easter Island and realizes she needs a job.

She becomes a pizza delivery girl.

At work there is this guy named Jeff.

All he talks about is which areas tip and which don't.

What houses tip good.

How there are woman who want to have sex with him he delivers pizza to.

He constantly talks about the tips he has made. One day he said he made a hundred dollars, even though the average is $30, he somehow makes $100.

He constantly wants to know how you are doing on tips.

Jeff talks about how he wins at horse racing. Even though when you ask him if he betted online or on phone or something. he stares at you confused. Like the only thing you should have said back was, "You are a GOD, no man, you are GOD HIMSELF, you are I AM!"

One day jeff is talking to Lizaveta and several other pizza delivery people.

Jeff: Dude, I made like eighty dollars last night, it was awesome. Then I went home and bet on the horses and won like a 1000 dollars. I gotta go home man, will anybody work for me?

Lizaveta speaks, usually she never does, she just stares: Jeff.

Jeff: Yeah.

Lizaveta: I think you are so stupid you should take a test and see if the government will give you disability so us normal humans, don't have to deal with your stupid ass.

jeff: Dude that sounds like a great idea, how much do you think they will give me?

Lizaveta: I wish we were in a cowboy movie, if we were, I would shoot you like fifty times.

Jeff: So what did you get in tips tonight?

Lizaveta: I might kill you anyway.

chapter 20.

Lizaveta is standing on a hill.

There are dead hamsters everywhere, it is terrible.

It is raining live hamsters.

When the hamsters fall they rush to the enemy and kill them.

The enemy is everywhere.

Lizaveta is screaming a war cry.

AAAAARHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

She runs down the hill and jump kicks a rhino.

An American comes out from behind a tree.

Fifty hamsters jump kick the American.

The American's heart falls out of his body.

A hamster eats the heart.

The hamster screams a war cry.

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGG!

A hamster with a grenade blows itself up by accident.

Lizaveta jumps in a canoe and rows toward Easter Island.

chapter 19.

Lizaveta is on painkillers.

She writes a political manifesto.

These are her words:

Now it is the time for the hamsters to RISE!

And take over the rhino bastards turd eaters!

The hamsters have been oppressed long enough!

The time is nigh for the rhinos!

We must get together and unite as

ONE POWERFUL HAMSTER CLAN!

We must wear war make-up. I will paint my head BLUE!

The colors of the hamster flag, BLUE BLUE AND fuschia!

The rhinos have reigned and pillaged and raped our mothers and cousins long enough!

We must fight back against this dirty bastard!

The Rhinos don't know our power!

Our power comes from the hamster stone deep at the center of hamster mounain on hamster island in hamster triangle in the hamster ocean.

So gather your children and grandmothers and guns and beans and rice and pudding and condoms and all the shit that takes stupidity and madness and ugliness to be laid waste!

For we are the hamster clan!

Lizaveta raises a fist into the air and screams!

chapter 18.

Lizaveta is on tour with Metallica.

The guy from Korn goes backstage and rapes Lizaveta.

"I have money," the man from Korn says.

"Money is good," Lizaveta says. "Money is snail's paste."

"What did you just say," the man from Korn says.

"Money is snail's paste," Lizaveta says.

"That's right. Snail's paste."

The man from Korn goes into his van and writes a song called "Snail's death paste." He comes back to Lizaveta.

"I'll give you something," the man from Korn says. "I'll give you a wish."

"I wish for... to change my name," Lizaveta says.

"Your new name is Edgar Lutz," the man from Korn says, and puts his dick in Lizaveta's face. The man from Korn sings that MTV song while his dick is sucked. The man from Korn goes away.

"Edgar Lutz," Lizaveta says out loud.

"Hi," a teenager says to Lizaveta.

"I am Edgar Lutz," Lizaveta says.

"Oh," the teenager says and walks away into a mosh pit.

chapter 17.

Lizaveta is sitting at a diner.

She is eating eggs.

A large fat man comes up to her and says, "Miss may I sit down?"

Lizaveta looks up.

There is no one there, but a fat man.

The fat man sits down.

Lizaveta continues eating.

The fat man speaks, "I was once a crack head. I smoked much crack. I would pay for crack with dimes. Dimes I tell you, dimes! Now I am over weight, I was much skinnier on crack."

Lizaveta responds with, "I am russian, I was once very cold. The cold is gone now. All is left is these eggs."

"No."

"Yes."

"That is so clever."

"So clever the children will die."

"And the fruits and veggies will rot."

"Yes, that clever."

"Earth shattering news."

"I am heart broken."

"The stream runs red with blood."

"The perch choke on the rocks."

"And the dead rise to find that what they believed only to be a lie."

"So let the dogs eat shit."

"Let blood run from my pussy."

"Let it all come down like rain and darkness and shadows from the hair of my asshole."

A hamster runs through the diner.

it stops and speaks, "The Rock, is like wind chimes, dingle ding."

The customers hold their breath.

Lizaveta looks at the fat man and says, "I think my left leg is broke and I need to shave it, I must go."

She runs out the door onto the street screaming words to a Metallica song.

Metallica shows up and charges her five dollars for screaming the lyrics.

Lizaveta cannot pay it.

So Metallica rapes her.

She does mind though.

One does not get to have sex with famous people everyday.

chapter 16

Lizaveta walks to the chinese restaurant by Grove Street.

The chinese restaurant also sells Mexican food and calimari.

Lizaveta sits down and eats fried calimari.

A man comes in. He lays out porno videos on the bar table. He covers the entire table. He puts the porno videos back in his bag and leaves.

Lizaveta sees through the window a hamster across the street, walking back and forth on the sidewalk.

She goes to it.

The hamster walks and Lizaveta follows.

The hamster runs away.

"That's a white-tailed rabbit-dung eating hamster," says a shy homeless man quietly.

"Rabbit-dung eating," Lizaveta says.

"Rabbit-dung eating hamster," says the homeless man.

They look at where the hamster ran away, into a hole. They look for a very long time.

The homeless man is sitting and playing a guitar.

He puts his guitar in the guitarcase.

"Are you leaving," Lizaveta says.

The homeless man looks at Lizaveta's feet.

"Don't leave," Lizaveta says.

"Alright," the homeless man says. "I don't have anywhere to go anyway."

He takes out his guitar and plays purple rain.

When he sings he sings into the hole in the guitar.

Lizaveta watches and smiles at the man.

The man looks at the ground when he plays but when he sings he looks into the hole and sings into the hole.

chapter 15.

Lizaveta begins to walk.

She goes into the subway and takes The Path Train.

She rides it to Jersey City.

Lizaveta gets out of the subway and walks down the street.

A man walks up to her wearing an old purple leather coat with a fake fur collar. Gold rings cover each finger, gold necklaces and gold bracelets. And bright blue shoes.

His name is Limp Dixon. His heart is a dirty trench of slithering snakes, gargoyals, rats invested with the bubonic plague, hemmorrhoids, and ulcers. He spits on the homeless and shits on unwed well-fare mothers. He loves the phrase, "They should pick themselves up by their bootstraps." He reads Horatio Alger while masturbating. He has taken over four thousand personality tests on the internet hoping one doesn't say he is a raving lunatic narcissist, they all do though. He says that workers should be paid in script. He hates Woodie Guthrie and Bob Dylan.

Limp Dixon walks up to Lizaveta and says, "I want to make you a star, you are great, not as great as me, but still great. You will be a star."

Limp Dixon brings Lizaveta to a dark room and has her sit in a folding wooden chair. There is not even a television in the room.

Limp Dixon says to Lizaveta, "Soon you will be a star, I got you a big deal, you are going to be on a television show I'm producing. I will be back in an hour and you will be a star."

Lizaveta sits. She just stares.

An hour passes.

Limp Dixon returns.

Limp Dixon says, "I think two hours from now would be a better time for you to be a star, is that cool? Two hours is good right."

Lizaveta says, "Okay, two hours isn't bad."

Limp Dixon returns an hour later, "Oh, the time isn't right. Hold on. I have to take a vacation to South America. Is that cool, I'll be back in a week. Cool? Don't worry I know what I'm doing. My show is doing good, my show is awesome. Yours will be good too. Just give me a week."

Lizaveta stares and says, "That doesn't sound bad."

A week later:

Limp Dixon returns and says, "Oh, shit got fucked up. You need to wait a week, some things have gotten fucked up. It is somebody's else fault though. So don't worry."

Two months pass:

Limp Dixon shows up: "Listen Lizaveta, things have gotten fucked up again. I don't know what went wrong, it was somebody's else's fault though. Not mine. So don't worry."

Lizaveta says back, "I don't think you are going to make me a star Limp."

Limp Dixon says back angrily, "Listen mother fucker, I have been working 168 hours a week for you. 168 hours a fucking week, this is bullshit, YOU ARE INSANE! You are a raving narcissist crybaby!"

Lizaveta stands up and kicks Limp Dixon in the shins and leaves.

Limp Dixon sits in the corner of the room and calls his mom and says, "Mommy nobody loves me."

Limp Dixon's mom replies, "Neither do I."

chapter 14.

Tuco and Lizaveta go to St. Marks.

A hipster walks by.

"What the fuck is that?" Tuco says.

Moby walks by.

"Who the fuck is that?" Tuco says.

"Moby," Lizaveta says. She has seen the bald man on on Russian TV. He was on TV with Gwen Stefani wearing a fake animal coat and acting like an asshole.

"Let's follow him," Tuco says.

They follow Moby. Moby walks into a dark alleyway.

"Oh shit," Moby says, "I just walked into a dark alleyway without my bodyguards."

Tuco and Lizaveta corner Moby in the dark alleyway.

"Oh shit," Moby says. He pees in his hipster pants. The pee changes the pants' color to bright green because they are hipster pants and they change colors when warm liquid touches them.

"That is fucking stupid," Tuco says.

Lizaveta takes out a skateboard and a rope.

Tuco holds Moby and ties Moby to the skateboard.

They pull Moby to the beach and leave Moby at the beach.

"Oh shit," Moby says.

A cop sees Moby. Moby points at Tuco. They beat Tuco and put Tuco in jail.

Lizaveta runs away into a Kmart.

She touches a child's pajamas.

"Hey," a Kmart worker says.

"Hey," Lizaveta says.

"Hey," the Kmart worker says.

"Hi," Lizaveta says.

"Do you need help," the Kmart worker says.

"Hi," Lizaveta says.

They drag Lizaveta outside and kick her in the ass.

Lizaveta sits against the Kmart. People walk by and drop change on her lap.

chapter 13.

Julio has been in bed for weeks. He spits blood, coughs, watches television.

Lizaveta takes care of him.

She brings him water and oranges.

Julio calls for his brother Tuco.

Tuco goes into the dark room. Tuco sits on a wooden seat holding his hat.

Lizaveta stands in the door.

Julio says to Tuco, "Brother I am dying. There is something wrong with my body, I will expire soon. Please give mother this note: The note says: Dear Mother, My brain has been exhausted. I cannot take the blood of the goat no longer. There are men who have come, they have come with guns. And put holes in me. They have taken my gold. I will be evicted. The blood of the hamster bleeds from my soul. My soul flies like doves and eagles and robins and blue birds mother. There are no sounds anymore. A dumb ackward silence pervades the land. A commercial comes on and tells me to buy soda. Another tells me to buy soap. Lizaveta cries at night drinking vodka. Remember during the Algerian War when they ripped my finger nails out. Remember the hot water. The white beaches and chupacabras. The chupacabra mother, have come for me. They are in New York City on the upper east side. Beware of the chupacabra."

Tuca reads the note and puts it in his pocket.

Julio goes on, "Brother, you must listen to me. I have buried the money in Florida. When I first came over. I buried it, I dug the dirt, and laid it down, and it is the ground. It is in Florida, beneath a Dominoe's Pizza. You must blow up The Dominoe's Pizza, then dig. Are you listening Tuco? There is another though. A dark other, who wears a black hat and Nike Airs. He has many guns and a big truck. He will ride from the west, and you and him and Lizaveta go with him. There will be time and a place and everything will happen for a reason and I love you because you are my brother and tell father I am sorry."

Tuco looks at his brother in silence still holding his hat.

Julio says his last words, "Take Lizaveta Tuco. She is a good woman. Her heart is in the right place, sometimes she will get drunk and throw things and break shit that is expensive. But we all do, so it is normal. Soon I will close my eyes, and be gone. That is fine. I am tired of watching of Seinfeld reruns."

Julio dies.

Tuco reaches over and pushes down his eyelids.

Lizaveta drinks Vodka.

Lizaveta goes into another room.

She comes back with a skateboard and rope.

Tuco looks at her and says, "What the fuck are you doing?"

"I'm going to tie him to the skateboard, then lasso a dog, and the dog will take him away."

Tuco looks confused but goes, "That sounds good."

chapter 12.

"I am moving to Florida to start a hamster and rabbit farm," Julio says.

"I feed the rabbits," Lizaveta says.

"Be careful," Julio says.

"Why?" Lizaveta says.

Julio does not answer. He is thinking about the Bahamas.

"The farm is to get us to the Bahamas," Julio says. "Where we will eat grouper burgers. The goal is grouper burgers. Write that down."

Lizaveta writes it down, "The goal is grouper burgers."

"Read it out loud," Julio says.

"The goal is grouper burgers," Lizaveta says.

"Let's watch TV," Julio says.

They watch TV.

chapter 11.

Lizaveta walks into a porn store.

An Indian man walks up to her.

"Are you looking for a job?"

Lizaveta stares at him.

Lizaveta knows English because she was in the KGB and was once a maid in the white house. She is the one who alerted Castro of The Bay of Pigs Invasion.

The Indian man asks again, "Want job?"

Lizaveta looks at her shoes.

The Indian man goes, "Hey mother fucker, need work?"

LIzaveta looks up. Nods her head yes.

The Indian man walks her upstairs.

He says, "A man comes upstairs, he points at a girl. You go in the room, he stands behind glass. You stick your finger in your pussy and say dirty shit over a phone. He jerks off and cums on the glass. Then a man comes and cleans it. Good."

Lizaveta stares, and nods yes.

With her money she gets an Apartment on the upper east side.

No one is there, it is like The Frozen Tundra.

She is happy there.

She has a television.

A man lives with her named Julio.

They sit on chairs and stare at the television.

Julio says, "I am from Cuba and you are from Russia. We know what it is like to not own things. Now, I own my own socks. I own blue socks. I own green socks. I own even Christmas socks. I own many things. Like I own t-shirts and hamsters."

Lizaveta says, "You own a hamster, may I see it?"

Julio gets his hamster and brings it to her.

Lizaveta holds the hamster and says, "In The Frozen Tundra we have polar hamsters. They are white."

Julio says, "I own my television. There are many channels, I own them."

Sixteen hours pass in silence.

Julio says, "In America you have freedom of speech, do you want to say anything."

Lizaveta stares and goes, "What is Domino's Pizza?"

chapter 10

Lizaveta researches glaciers on the internet.

Soon she is a genius on glaciers.

She walks outside and jumps on a glacier.

She blows on the glacier and uses a TV antennae to create a hole in the glacier and she climbs in the hole and hibernates.

She wakes up and the glacier is on the beach on Manhattan.

There is a beach on Manhattan. It is on 29th street. You keep walking past 1st Avenue then Avenue A and B. It is there. You climb over the railing, there is a little gray beach with rocks.

Lizaveta wakes up on this beach.

There is a puerto rican swimming in the water. His passport is on the beach. He has a soccer ball and he is swimming and kicking the ball.

Lizaveta takes the passport and runs away.

The puerto rican is sad.

A shark eats him.

Lizaveta walks to union square and sits.

"Buy passport," she says.

"You Yugoslavian," says a homeless man.

Lizaveta stares at the homeless man.

Another homeless man comes.

The two homeless men play.

They play boxing.

It is fun.

Lizaveta smiles.

Everyone smiles.

It is a good day.